Jeff Logue PhD
I don’t know about you but I hate the ghosts of my past. They are like demons that chain me to the cold damp wall of who I don’t want to be. The spirits of yesterday that still remind me of my failures. These ghosts – which I like to call regrets—are past mistakes that still grasp my mind and plague my efforts to design a life I have always dreamed of.
We all have them. Call them what you want – ghosts, regrets, disappointing choices, etc. All of us get to some place in life as we look back and realize we are not where we want to be. An honest self-evaluation quickly reveals a wrong turn on life’s highway or a missed opportunity we should have taken years ago. I don’t know if anyone can live a life without regret, but I do know you don’t have to live your life in regret.
The good news is that YOU decide if you are going to live with ghosts. You can choose to put them to rest. Stop beating yourself up and accept where you are. You are here – now what are you going to do about it?
Let’s talk about a few ways to overcome the ghosts in your life.
Mistakes – use them to your advantage. You have the power to learn from your mistakes. Failures are not final, they are stepping stones that pave the road to success. They are missteps in life’s journey – not fatal wounds. Better yet, mistakes teach you what doesn’t work! If you’re walking down the street and trip, do you throw up your hands and quit? Of course not, you dust yourself off and keep moving. No one stops walking because they tripped. Get up, brush yourself off and remember that spot in the sidewalk is buckled. Warn the next person you meet and you will have both learned something new.
Crisis in life can become an opportunity. If you are facing a major crisis in life because of past decisions then try to look for the silver lining. John F. Kennedy said, “When written in Chinese, the word ‘crisis’ is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.” Most people fear crisis. I certainly understand why, but we don’t need to cower in the corner every time we feel regret or are facing a life change. Take that crisis as an opportunity to pull from the resources you have within you. Use what you DO have to conquer this season of your life. This is an opportunity for growth, maturity, and character development. Face your regrets with humility and courage. The great news about this season is YOU decide how it ends.
Focus on what you can control. Sometimes I look back on my own life and obsess over the regrets and mistakes that can never be erased. This is so defeating and an utter waste of time! The past is over and what was done is done. Nothing can change the past – accept it and move on! You DO have control over present and future choices, so start from that vantage point. Design the life you want from this moment forward. Remember, you never drive a car looking in the rear view mirror. Look forward!
Your life is wonderful. I know this might not be your exact thought at this moment, but hang with me for a minute. Look around and you’ll begin to notice that many have it a lot worse. Regrets create tunnel vision and prevent us from keeping things in perspective. There are people around you that have also made mistakes or bad decisions and are enduring struggles that are far worse than yours. Count your blessings and start paying attention to the little things that matter – life, faith, family and friends.
I love the phrase, “You see what you are looking for.” You cannot live a life full of freedom and joy while looking at the ghosts of your past. Look at where you want to go – and you will eventually find that you have arrived!